The angel hovered over the women’s dorm of the Christian University. He materialized in the recreation room where nearly all the girls had gathered that Friday night to indulge in hot fudge sundaes and binge watch Hallmark movies. His shining whiteness made it obvious he wasn’t a boy overstaying his curfew. No one called the RD.
The angel gave the usual, “Fear not.” It was always necessary. He held aloft a little white box neatly tied with a blue ribbon and bow. “I have a gift for one of you.”
Their awe turned to dread at these words. Pulling back as one, they shrank from the Gift with loathing. Being forewarned in chapel, none of them wanted this dubious mark of favor.
“Is Sue Schroeder here?” asked the angel.
A collective sigh of relief swept over all girls who were not Sue. When she did not come forward to receive it, two girls dragged her out of the corner where she vainly tried to hide.
Pale as a corpse beneath the remains of carefully applied makeup Sue came forward trembling. “Here favored one. A gift from the Most High God.”
Sue took the box gingerly as though it were an anthrax package.
Could it be that Horror that no sane girl wanted? Sue tore the ribbon off and opened the box. The white box was empty.
Sue gnashed her teeth and tore her hair. Shaking her fist at the ceiling she shrieked, “Why do You hate me, God?” With a violent shriek this daughter of Jephthah collapsed unconscious upon the floor.
The others recoiled in horror leaving Sue to recover on her own. They feared lest her blessing rub off on them. A brief foretaste of the Hell on Earth before her.
“Glad I got my ring by spring,” one smug blonde whispered.
Luckless Sue had been given the Gift of Celibacy.
In honor of Dr. Al Mohler and his insightful views of this marvelous gift. He never has stated how the privileged few are supposed to know they have received it, so I cooked up this scenario.