Sick of Hearing About Your Great Aunt Hagatha

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A pet peeve of mine has always been idiots at church who “console” me with disgusting tales of some octogenarian, doddering, spinster great aunt who married “for the very first time!” at 82.

A comment that always comes to my mind is, “Why?”

Another question is, “What kind of man would want a disgusting old hag for his wife?” Women are a lot prettier at 22 than 82, in case you hadn’t noticed. Why would some guy marry a decrepit old crone when she couldn’t get anyone when her charms were at their peak?

My guess is the guy is probably in horrible health and impotent. Love plays no role at all. He gets a “nurse with a purse” and Ugly Aunt Haggatha gets the status of a wedding band so the old spite-cats at church will quit mocking her.

There are three reasons to marry. They are as follows:

  1. It’s better to marry than to burn. If Aunt Haggatha has been able to endure the burning for 70 years, is she going to succumb to unchastity at death’s door? Not likely.
  2. Procreation. How many children will Uncle Dudley (Dud for short) and Aunt Haggatha have at age 91 and 82?
  3. Utilitarian yet spiritual marriages. Missionary partners or other evangelism teams. At 82 and 91 Aunt Haggatha and Uncle Dud aren’t likely to do missions work or much of anything. But die.

A lot of widowed or divorced preachers remarry late in life simply because they aren’t ready to retire. (Churches never hire single men–the Apostle Paul isn’t good enough for their conformist mentality.) The widowers’ hearts will always belong completely to their dead wives. Nevertheless a warm body in bed, massages for their rapidly deteriorating bodies, good food, and a gracious hostess make a marriage of convenience ideal.

That still does not explain why Aunt Haggatha agreed to marry Uncle Dud. My guess is to shut up the catty, smug matrons who have been putting her down wedding after wedding. Mother’s Day after Mother’s Day. Valentine’s Day after Valentine’s Day.

But guess what? They still will be spiteful and cruel to Aunt Haggatha. She can never “catch up.” They will always have their 50th anniversaries and decades of memories in the arms of Mr. Right, their children, grandchildren, etc. The cheerleaders who married between 18 and 22 will never accept a withered skeleton (who is finally “lucky” enough to land a marriage of convenience to a widower incapable of loving her.)

The matrons will always despise her; she still won’t fit in. The sex will be non-existent or torturous. Late in life loss of virginity is never a good thing.

How is six months of an outward form of marriage with a senile old geezer she can never love or even like supposed to compensate for over 60 years of crushing loneliness? Answer: it can’t.

At 44 my heart is dead and I no longer desire men. Too old for kids. If I met a nice guy tomorrow it would be too late. And frankly, God’s not cruel enough to play that kind of joke on me. Too old for love.

 

 

 

 

 

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Sick of Hearing About Your Great Aunt Hagatha

Why I Quit Dating After 40? Don’t Want to be a Discount Hooker

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After I turned forty I quit dating. Not against dating. In the old days it used to help people–my grandparents and parents–decide to get married.

Nowadays it’s just a form of discount prostitution. When a godly woman refuses to play the whore,  guys get upset. They may call themselves Christians, we may meet them on Christian dating sites but they don’t act the part.

Some women pretend they’re happy to be used like hookers when they’re too old for marriage. I would rather spend every evening alone till I die than get involved with the cruel, soul-devouring hook up culture.

Nowadays, especially after 30, we women get told how worthless and used up we are. We have “no value” men say–aging Don Juans who are far from the gorgeous studs they delude themselves into seeing in the mirror. Doddering, diseased Cassanovas who demand virgins less than half their age should they weary of acting like tom cats and decide to settle down.

I comfort myself that God sees my insides. I’m not the ugly one. These would-be seducers are. They’re ruining their own value by treating fellow humans like disposable napkins to throw in a landfill after using them.

Not very loving or Christian, boys! (They may be bald and wrinkled, but mentally they are stuck at age 14.)

No more online dating sites. Statistics show they are time wasters for women over a certain age. Sadly that’s the only way I can find dates. Bachelors marry or leave church by age 23 it seems. And all the men my age I know–unmarried and desiring dates–are unrepentant womanizers. They deny that a woman my age could be pure. Like they know anything about purity in themselves or the women they have always preferred to date.

The Bible refers to men like this as whore mongers. The male counterparts to whores. They really should be willing to settle for “used up” women tired of the carousel since they are the perfect match for them–used up men tired of the carousel. That would be a marriage of true minds.

I have always wanted a single (unmarried) Christian man of upright character. Income and looks were very flexible. Good luck finding that now! The only decent Christian men my age are married or Catholic priests. Also a few contented male celibates who act like priests–I assume at least one or two of my readers are. Glad men are faithful to their wives or single life beneath God.

I never wanted to spend my life in aching loneliness. But playing the whore never filled the void in a woman’s heart. I’ll take the convent any day.

It’s strange how easy even at my age it is to find artful seducers looking for a one-night stand. Attractive men of 30 or so. A lot of godly single friends of mine see this too. No marriage proposals but plenty of hook up lines.

Flattering as it is to be treated like a discount prostitute, it’s an honor I’ll forego, thank you very much. Thanks to the suffragettes we don’t have to prostitute ourselves or starve when no decent man marries us. Plenty of honorable ways to earn our daily bread now.

Afraid Don Juan will have to shell out more than the price of a McDonalds Happy Meal if he wants a “Lovely Lady” for one night. I don’t have to settle for this debasing treatment and I won’t.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why I Quit Dating After 40? Don’t Want to be a Discount Hooker

The Problem with Purity Pledges

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Let me make it clear; I am all for purity. There is no Biblical alternative.

Either monogamy in a God sanctioned marriage or celibacy.  (Neither option is easy. Both require hard work and self denial.)

Purity culture is a bizarre, cult-like movement. But for now I will only focus on the pledges.

These pledges existed outside the “Purity Culture.” True Love Waits was all the rage when I was a teen in the 80’s. Some guys even signed these pledges.

Sadly few had the tenacity to follow through till they married. Even those who married young.

Ironically I never signed the pledge. “True Love” never showed. It probably never will. My vigil must endure till eternity meets the present.

I wish I had been able to marry. Sometimes I grieve the lost opportunity of motherhood. But if I can’t be a matron at least I can be a maid.

It has been worth the fight. Rejecting promiscuity–there were always men available for one night stands, but no marriage proposals–has helped me maintain a healthy respect for men as well as the body God has loaned me. I am not my own, but bought with a price.

I am not opposed to the Pledge exactly. The problem I see is not only is it not working but for a Christian it is redundant.

A 17 year old Christian shouldn’t have to take a pledge to keep his body pure. What he needs to do is remember the pledge he made 10 years ago when he came forward and offered himself to Jesus. That was a Purity Pledge. He gave himself body and soul to Jesus when he took him as his LORD and Master. Being saved is not fire insurance!

Even as a kid of 15 or 16 I remember shaking my head, though I never expressed my doubts. Throughout history we have been called to suffer loss of property, character assassination, imprisonment, and being ripped apart by lions. Is “not scoring” till after you marry really that big a sacrifice when you consider what Jesus did for you?

The Problem with Purity Pledges

One Word for God

On Facebook once I saw a person asking what one word we would use to describe God. Talk about a tough order. It would be easier to sum up the known universe in one word, because of course God is infinitely more complex than His universe.

Is God love? Of course God is loving to his human creations, but He is capable of hatred. Intense hatred. Hatred of sin and anything evil. Calling Him love would be much too simplistic, though He is that.

Is God power? He is all-powerful, all-knowing, and present everywhere. “And everywhere that man can be, Thou God, art present there,” as it goes in the old hymn, I Sing the Mighty Power of God.

Still omniscient, omnipotent, and omnipresent as God is, none of these are His chief glory. His crowning glory–the only characteristic repeated three times in the Bible is “Holy.”

When Isaiah saw the LORD lifted up in a vision, the blazing angels called seraphs worship God by saying over and over to each other, “Holy, holy, holy is the LORD God almighty. Heaven and earth are full of His glory.”

One Word for God

The Greatest Love

Sorry Whitney Houston! The greatest love isn’t self love after all.

Self love may be the most natural, but that doesn’t make it the greatest. Eating dinner is a very natural thing to do, but there’s nothing inherently great or noble about it. Self love is undoubtedly the most selfish form of love. Unless you add other loves to it, it can prove disastrous and it will not lead to happiness. Only loneliness and misery.

(That said, I guess it’s still better to love yourself than no one. But it won’t lead to making the world a better place. Or even personal happiness.)

All this emphasis on self love is making this world a very childish (not to be confused with childlike) and self-centered place. When people enter into sacred marriage covenents instead of asking, “Will this please God? Can I help this other person? Will we be better able to serve our church and community together? Will I be able to stick to this person and stand by him/her no matter how I feel or how unhappy I get?” they ask themselves, “Will this person make me happy?”

The answer is no. Only God and you can make you happy. Through His Son Jesus and many minor gifts, God has already given you everything you need for happiness. Whether you choose to appreciate it and make yourself happy is up to you! That said, it’s okay to feel unhappy from time to time. In this sad and sinful world, there’s something wrong with people who’re perpetually upbeat and Happy all the time regardless of the suffering around them.

Our LORD was called the Man of Sorrows after all; not the Man of Pleasures. I’m sure Jesus knew how to laugh. The Bible records some witty stories He told (I doubt He told the whole thing without smiling!) His enemies got mad at Him for partying. But the real reason He came to us was to experience sorrow, not pleasure.

Why would the Son of God come to earth just to experience sorrow and suffering, when He could have stayed equal to God in Heaven and enjoyed Himself amidst the praises of his sinless angels? I’m not sure why He loved, but He did it for love.

Loving another person in this world is not always a happy experience. I’d say even the best of loves involve one part happiness, two parts discomfort and irritation, two or three parts sorrow and suffering.

Every “romance” this side of eternity has one of three endings.

  1.  A couple marries or maybe doesn’t even make it to the altar before one of them dies. A good friend of mine lost her beloved fiance before they even set a date.
  2. A couple marries and one hardens his or her heart and leaves the other. I know many people this has happened to. It’s not right and it hurts.
  3. A couple marries and after half a century of living together as one flesh, one dies. The other is even more devastated then the person bereaved in example one.

That’s the way love stories end. Hollywood doesn’t show that.

“See,” my critics are probably saying, “If you only stuck to self love you wouldn’t get hurt.”

I can only say there are worse things than pain. Ask any leper what it means to live without pain. And there are greater things than pleasure. Ask our LORD who left everything for the love He bore fallen humanity.

All right then, you are thinking. So what is the greatest love we can experience this side of eternity.

This is it:

Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. (John 15:13.)

Loving your friends enough to sacrifice life itself–if necessary–for their well being is the greatest form of love. Unfortunately self love can get in the way of that.hands-compassion (1)

 

The Greatest Love