Care Bearers



woman in white shirt standing near glass window inside room
Photo by Oles kanebckuu on

Jane Bernard lies in a hospital bed hooked up to  numerous tubes and other stuff. Enter three women.

Woman 1: Hi Janie, honey. We missed you at Bible study last week.

Woman 2: Yes. When we heard what happened we just couldn’t believe it. First Bob and your precious little ones….Now this.

Woman 3: After your house burned down.

Woman 1: Yes. I just couldn’t believe it. If something happened to any of my kids I just know I couldn’t go on.

Woman 2: MRSA’s a nasty disease I hear. Glad it’s not me. Be sure to follow your doctor’s orders when you get out.

Woman 1: Poor Bob! 49 is pretty young. Children and marriage are what Biblical womanhood is all about. It’s hard reentering the dating scene when you’re well past your prime. But with God all things are possible and stuff like that….

Woman 2: And they can do wonderful things with fertility treatments now. There’s still hope you can make another baby before you’re all dried up and have failed to obey Genesis 1:28. With modern medicine and prayer there’s still hope, Jane. Online dating is great too. I seen it on a TV commercial. Something called There was this happy married couple talking about how they met there. Real soulmates. If I had to date now after 30 years of marriage, I’d use that.

Jane: Groans. Bob and the kids died last week!

Woman 3: Yes. That’s real sad.

Woman 1: No need for carrying on like that. God’s got someone new picked out just for you. You just gotta keep a positive attitude.

Jane: I pray and pray. That I will finally die of this horrible disease. Then my torment will end. But God will not even answer that prayer.

Woman 1: Oh Father God! Please forgive Janie’s sinful lack of faith. And just don’t punish her as her depression deserves Father God. It’s obvious why she’s hurting Father God. Sin does that to us. And just please help her repent of her negative attitude before it’s too late Father God.

Woman 3: Amen.

Woman 2: Now depression ain’t always a sin. Maybe Jane’s just a mental defective. That would make her insane but they have medicine for that. I seen it on a commercial.

Woman 1: Jane, are you insane?

Woman 3: Bye Jane.

Trio exits hurriedly. Jane heaves sigh of relief.

Care Bearers

This Blog Needs to Be More Like Its Name


I noticed my blog has been very negative lately. Some negativity is good because there is a lot of negative stuff in this world. Without God there is no meaning. Without His Son we’re even worse off though. Without the Cross there is no hope since a just God has no choice but to send us to Hell forever for all the nasty stuff we have done, keep doing, and–without His intervention–will continue to do since we can’t stop sinning on our own.

If I were an atheist I would be an utter Nihilist–probably suicidal as well. Yet I am full of hope. Why?

There is no political solution for us. Democrats and Republicans are corrupt because both parties are run by human beings.

There is no  economic solution for us. Communism won’t work–because it requires tireless, self sacrifice of individuals for the common good of others with no hope for personal gain. Those most in favor of this system tend to be lazy, selfish people who only look out for themselves. Capitalism has a better track record, but selfishness  and greed are rotting it from within–so even the checks and balances built into it have gone haywire with all the bribery not just of government officials but media as well.

The nuclear family is not the solution. Marriages keep falling apart, abuse frequently occurs. Among Evangelicals the husband tends to be the abuser. Among secular couples the wife frequently is. Neither is acceptable. There is a reason young folks are reluctant to marry choosing less permanent, unchaste options. There is a reason they are leaving the family friendly churches behind. Not all the cool, hip praise choruses and worship teams can draw them back.

Education is not the solution. Carl Sagan thought education was the answer for what plagues humanity since it can teach us to curb our baser instincts. Sagan left one factor out of the equation. Educational systems are run by human beings–corrupt and fallible.

Ditto for science. Scientists know more than the rest of us, but their superior knowledge helps them twist facts to inflate their own reputations or support agendas that have nothing to do with science. Scientists and educators have to be smart with advanced degrees but goodness is not a job requirement for either occupation. Goodness includes truthfulness.

Do you know where this blog got its name? From Ecclesiastes. Throughout this short book, King Solomon or the Teacher looks around at things “under the sun.” Despite his wealth, fantastic sex life, achievements–in literature, music, scientific discoveries, architecture, and creating economic prosperity for his kingdom, and great health, the Teacher still finds no satisfaction till he is old and realizes happiness does NOT come from within. Or anywhere under the sun. Only over the sun can we find joy or peace. Hope, faith, or love.

When we look up we can hope….

LORD God please save us! We cannot save ourselves.



This Blog Needs to Be More Like Its Name

I Didn’t Know This Was a Satire


I came across this site the other day.

I can’t provide direct access to the article. It was “God Hates Asexuals.” The alleged preacher rants that even if you are impotent or sterile from sickness or an accident or can’t find a marriage partner, you’ll go to Hell for refusing to fulfill the Biblical mandate in Genesis 1:28.

I though, “Gee this guy is cruel! Whatever causes folks to not desire sex why do these ‘Christians’ have it in for them? Impotency, sickness, and childhood traumas are unfortunate, but they are not sins.”

I googled to see if they were affiliated with the Westboro Baptists. Nope. It’s a satire site.

I honestly couldn’t tell. It looked like one of Al Mohler’s or Russel Moore’s over-the-top rants. Being chaste and obeying God ain’t enough for these guys. You’ve got to have a smokin’ hot wife, lots of green for the offering plate, a MacMansion on earth (over the hilltop doesn’t count now) and at least 3 kids as proof of your salvation. If you’re a woman you’d better BE a smokin’ hot wife.

As a single woman I have agonized and desperately dated with every major online app–not because of sex (though that would be nice) or an empty house but it’s 100% essential for love and acceptance at any church I can think of. When I failed to land a godly Christian husband I questioned my salvation.

Yes Jesus loves me. But His body rejects me. It must have lupus, since it keeps turning on its own organs. Not even for sins, but stupid stuff. Disabilities, ugliness, poverty, and lack of the required spouse and kids Janette Oke promised all good Christian girls if we saved it for marriage, trusted God, and ate our veggies.

I wish I could leave. Sick of how they treat me! (Unknowingly I guess. Their put downs are supposedly funny and their  insensitive platitudes are supposed to cheer me up.) For Christ’s sake I suck it up, hold my nose, and endure church.

Then go home and weep.

I Didn’t Know This Was a Satire

Discount Discipleship: the Life of Wolf Weiner


I had a cousin who wrote a biography a few years back. Sadly the manuscript was never published. He was writing about the great theologian and personal friend to Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Wolf Otto Weiner.

Born in Bonn, in 1905, Weiner–or WOW as I shall him–never achieved the fame of the former, despite his success as a great theologian even after the end of the Third Reich. He too was born into a wealthy family of aristocrats.

He met and befriended Bonhoeffer in the University of Berlin. Along with Bonhoeffer and Karl Barth, WOW helped to start the Confessors Church in 1934.

WOW had some words with Bonhoeffer and Barth that almost led to a rupture over the Barmen Declaration. WOW felt the statement that Christ Jesus should be placed above all other personalities was a little too radical.  He reminded the others that Christians are to “render unto Caesar” therefore it was perfectly acceptable for German housewives to replace pictures of Jesus and crucifixes with pictures of the Fuhrer. Eventually WOW agreed to go along with the program.

In 1934, WOW married Greta Guttman, a semi-literate but attractive blonde. Displaying his superiority to Bonhoeffer, WOW (helped by Greta) started popping out babies immediately in a way that would make a 21st century “quiver full” couple weep with envy.

In 1936, WOW’s first book Die Schonheit der MaBigung was published. In it, WOW makes a compelling argument for conforming as necessary to the world around us and how Christians should take care not to be too different since that kind of thing could lead to arrogance and rebelling against the powers of the state God placed over the church.

Rather than getting involved in the underground seminary of Finkenwalde, WOW begged off. “It’s different for you,” he wrote (in a fragment of a letter my cousin unearthed in his research), “I have a wife and 3 children under 3 years of age. We all have sacrifices we must make. Alas.”

WOW made the supreme sacrifice of foregoing teaching in an illegal seminary to take on a prestigious tenured position at his Alta Mater. He found that by saying just the right thing he could stay in the good graces of the Law and teach the Bible. Or a reasonable facsimile.

In 1941, WOW wrote a wildly popular best seller, Dein bestes Leben jetzt. This was recommended by Hitler himself. Having this approval seemed to shake WOW up. He went on a sabbatical.

He had reached a crossroads. Should he stick to his life of material comforts while evil things went on around him? Or act like an immoderate fool and lose his earthly blessings?

Bonhoeffer seldom contacted him any more. WOW had played a key role in helping the Confessor Church keep their sermons moderate to appease God’s divinely appointed State.

During his sabbatical WOW translated copious amounts of Scofield’s Bible commentary from English into German. He found the idea of the Rapture appealing since it ensured a comfortable escape from the world before things got too ugly for people like himself.

According to the journal he was keeping, WOW reached the conclusion that Hitler was the Anti-Christ or the Son of Perdition. He realized with great joy, that by taking over the world the Third Reich was hastening the Second Coming. Therefore anything he might do to oppose Hitler would prevent the Great Tribulation and might put off the Rapture/Second Coming indefinitely. Definitely against the will of God.

There’s little more to relate. WOW survived the end of World War II, and wound up in West Berlin after reconstruction again. Altogether, he sired 12 kids with Greta, then after she died on number 12, he married young Anna Schroeder to produce another 7. His only other major theological work was Die Macht von Ich Bin. He died in 1985.

My cousin gave up on finishing this biography when he realized no publisher was interested–secular or Christian. Strangely, despite the accolades Wolf Weiner was awarded during his lifetime no one finds his life inspirational now.


Note: this is a satire.

Discount Discipleship: the Life of Wolf Weiner

Sick of Hearing About Your Great Aunt Hagatha



A pet peeve of mine has always been idiots at church who “console” me with disgusting tales of some octogenarian, doddering, spinster great aunt who married “for the very first time!” at 82.

A comment that always comes to my mind is, “Why?”

Another question is, “What kind of man would want a disgusting old hag for his wife?” Women are a lot prettier at 22 than 82, in case you hadn’t noticed. Why would some guy marry a decrepit old crone when she couldn’t get anyone when her charms were at their peak?

My guess is the guy is probably in horrible health and impotent. Love plays no role at all. He gets a “nurse with a purse” and Ugly Aunt Haggatha gets the status of a wedding band so the old spite-cats at church will quit mocking her.

There are three reasons to marry. They are as follows:

  1. It’s better to marry than to burn. If Aunt Haggatha has been able to endure the burning for 70 years, is she going to succumb to unchastity at death’s door? Not likely.
  2. Procreation. How many children will Uncle Dudley (Dud for short) and Aunt Haggatha have at age 91 and 82?
  3. Utilitarian yet spiritual marriages. Missionary partners or other evangelism teams. At 82 and 91 Aunt Haggatha and Uncle Dud aren’t likely to do missions work or much of anything. But die.

A lot of widowed or divorced preachers remarry late in life simply because they aren’t ready to retire. (Churches never hire single men–the Apostle Paul isn’t good enough for their conformist mentality.) The widowers’ hearts will always belong completely to their dead wives. Nevertheless a warm body in bed, massages for their rapidly deteriorating bodies, good food, and a gracious hostess make a marriage of convenience ideal.

That still does not explain why Aunt Haggatha agreed to marry Uncle Dud. My guess is to shut up the catty, smug matrons who have been putting her down wedding after wedding. Mother’s Day after Mother’s Day. Valentine’s Day after Valentine’s Day.

But guess what? They still will be spiteful and cruel to Aunt Haggatha. She can never “catch up.” They will always have their 50th anniversaries and decades of memories in the arms of Mr. Right, their children, grandchildren, etc. The cheerleaders who married between 18 and 22 will never accept a withered skeleton (who is finally “lucky” enough to land a marriage of convenience to a widower incapable of loving her.)

The matrons will always despise her; she still won’t fit in. The sex will be non-existent or torturous. Late in life loss of virginity is never a good thing.

How is six months of an outward form of marriage with a senile old geezer she can never love or even like supposed to compensate for over 60 years of crushing loneliness? Answer: it can’t.

At 44 my heart is dead and I no longer desire men. Too old for kids. If I met a nice guy tomorrow it would be too late. And frankly, God’s not cruel enough to play that kind of joke on me. Too old for love.






Sick of Hearing About Your Great Aunt Hagatha

First Church of the Smiley Faces


Come in my friend!
Bring your wife and kids too.
I like what you're wearing.
Here. Sit in this pew.

In this wonderful church
Where everyone's rich
And everyone's blessed
With a partner and kids.

Among the redeemed
And elect it appears
No one gets gloomy
Or sheds any tears.

Sometimes folks come in
Who haven't a spouse.
Losers and bums who
Do not own a house.

When they come, close your eyes.
We'll pretend that we pray,
Then our prayers will be answered.
They'll all go away.


First Church of the Smiley Faces