Are Virtues Gender Specific?



My biggest problem with the “complementarian” doctrine is that church leaders are subtly encouraging sinful attitudes and behaviors in both genders. They are also discouraging virtues.

How are they doing this? By teaching men and women that if a behavior occurs more frequently in one gender than the other it must be virtuous because it’s natural.

I strongly disagree with the feminist dogma that men and women are identical. Yes, there is a female brain that differs from a male brain. My brain is a woman’s brain. Science shows I have a woman’s heart, liver, and kidneys. Every strand of my DNA contains the XX chromosomes so I am not a man. God made me a woman–in His image. My femaleness reflects His glory in way that a man’s cannot. A Christian brother’s maleness reflects His glory as mine cannot.

The mistake is not in thinking that men are prone to certain behaviors and women to others. It’s thinking that just because these attitudes and behaviors are “natural” they should be actively encouraged.

This is a fallen world. Evangelical complementarian preachers frequently talk about our fallen sinful nature. Defending a vice or calling it a virtue simply because it comes “naturally” doesn’t follow.

Loving your enemy is not natural after all.

Men have high testosterone levels. This makes them more vulnerable to the sins of arrogance, violence, and active cruelty.*  Yet Jesus–a normal, healthy man in His prime–chose humility, patience, gentleness and kindness. Not at all the “Prize Fighter Jesus,” a certain mega-church pop evangelist visualizes.

Moodiness and whiny self  pity come naturally to many women. But the “feminine” vices the complementarians call virtues are those that actively promote the “manly virtues” of arrogance and sensuality. (While complementarian pastors wink at physical brutality in husbands they seldom come out and say it’s excusable.)

They encourage foolishness, cowardice, and that form of pride called vanity as well. These are vices that come easily to women after all. That makes them natural and therefore virtues.

There is nothing wrong with saying people of different genders are prone to different behaviors. People of different families are as well. My extended family is full of alcohol abusers–so I chose the teetotaler lifestyle before 21. Would drunkenness be righteous behavior since it occurs “naturally” in my family tree?

What we need to do is teach young women to cultivate the virtues that come harder for them: courage, moral strength, wisdom while fighting “feminine” vices such as manipulation, foolishness, flattery and preening for hours in front of the bathroom mirror. Likewise a young man can be taught to grow patience, kindness, gentleness, and self control while crucifying the “manly” vices of violence, arrogance, selfishness, sensuality, and lording it over everyone he can.

I worked in the educational system for a few years. Some children have learning disabilities. All are better at some fields than others. But no teacher would ever say, “Johnny, you have dyslexia. Not only do you not have to try to improve your reading skills, I’m keeping all reading materials away from you and telling your parents to do so. Illiteracy comes naturally to you, so go out and play soccer. Try to forget everything you have read.”

Instead he would be taught techniques others with dyslexia have found useful such as covering one eye while reading. He would devote extra time to the discipline of reading.

A student who did poorly at math would stay after school for tutoring in the subject rather than being encouraged to avoid numbers since they didn’t come naturally.

Note that Paul does not give two lists of the Fruit of the Spirit–one for men and one for women. Maybe this helps explain what he meant when he said, “We are neither male nor female in Christ Jesus.”

Christianity is about rising above what comes naturally in this twisted, sin-tainted world. Not only have we been redeemed by the blood of Christ, we have been spiritually transformed. God has further empowered us by sending His Spirit to give us power not only over our fallen naures but the forces of Hell themselves. While sin may entice us it cannot overpower us. Unlike our pagan neighbors we have total control over our actions.

Fellow Christians, “But it’s natural!” is no excuse at all.




Are Virtues Gender Specific?

Theodicy and the Idiots Who Give Pat Answers to Long Term Suffering

When I’m really experiencing intense emotional pain I like to read the book of Job. This is the oldest book in the Bible and we don’t know who wrote it. It is a horribly sad story. Throughout this riches to rags story Job struggles with a question as old as humanity. If God is good and powerful why am I in so much pain? And why does that jerk who swindles widows out of retirement checks enjoy a long, happy life while he mocks God?

Other than Satan himself (duh!) the nastiest characters in the book are Job’s 3 buddies. As long as they keep their mouths shut and mourn with Job they actually comfort him. Then Job opens his mouth and curses–not God–but the day of his birth. Just like the hero in It’s a Wonderful Life.

Unlike George Bailey, Job is not taken through an alternate reality by a wingless angel. What happens is much worse. Or, at least if you have experienced anything like it, you may agree. Job’s friends lecture him on what a bad man he must be. Poverty, loss of loved ones, and sickness only happen to naughty people, right? God is a Santa Claus in the sky who gives out goodies to nice people.

The interesting thing is Job’s friends sneer at him on his ash heap, thinking they must be better men because they still have wealth, intact families, and healthy bodies. Unbeknownst to them all, the reason Job is suffering is because he is an unusually godly man. Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar are clueless yet they talk like experts. After all, they aren’t in Job’s predicament so they must be pretty holy.

If only they knew the man they so freely passed judgment on was a spiritual giant. God knew that they

were wusses.














Theodicy and the Idiots Who Give Pat Answers to Long Term Suffering

Why Worrying’s Wrong–Also Very Wasteful

DSC_7208Jesus told us not to worry because bearing today’s enough.

God’s all loving as well as omniscient.

If your kids went around grumbling about whether you’d be out of work tomorrow–unable to feed them–how would you feel? Not exactly a great Father’s Day or Mother’s Day present. If they went around telling each other how you were sure to ,let them wind up starving in the streets, some discipline might be in order.

Would your kids be able to do anything if you did decide to stop supporting them? I don’t mean surly adolescents (who could call the CPS) but small children in preschool who couldn’t read. We were called “God’s children” for a reason.

God wants to give us what we need before we ask Him.

There are parents who do abandon their small children and let them starve. This is called neglect. These parents are unusually evil though–our God is thrice Holy.

Face it, worrying is a major time sink. Not as fun as watching hour after hour of Leave It to Beaver reruns or staying up too late reading the latest frothy “Christian” romance novel. Every bit as addictive though. And probably more unhealthy–physically, spiritually and psychologically.

Most worry-warts are very neurotic. If you talk to your preacher or church counselor you may not want mind-altering drugs or endless hours of naval-gazing “therapy” as you over analyze your problems. If you can find the grace to quit worrying, you can quit the therapy and get on with living.

Let’s face it, worrying has no practical value either!









Why Worrying’s Wrong–Also Very Wasteful

Virgin Shaming in the Church


I need to apologize. My attitude in writing this post was bitter, unloving and sinful.

The reason I’m not deleting the whole thing? For one thing my critiques of the article were perfectly true, but unloving. Most importantly, I want to show that I’m also a sinner in need of mercy as well as grace.


A lot of singles are leaving the church now. I refuse to leave because the Bible says we are not to forsake the Assembly. That said, I dislike going, find it a miserable drudgery and act of penance, and strongly suspect most of the real church members–the smug, sanctimonious couples who count–would just as soon we all leave or better yet vanish from existence. But I digress.

My real issue is with an article written by Matthew Cochran published in The Federalist. (possibly) good intentions, it’s obvious to this single woman that Cochran is clueless about his subject matter.

Cochran addresses a previous article he finds disagrees with written by a single woman. While Matthew Cochran is a man who hasn’t likely been single since his teens he feels he knows all about this subject. After all, he is married and has a Y chromosome. Therefore he must be a spiritual giant.

Hear are the four statements she made that he considers mythical. (Warning: I have indulged my satirical impulse and grossly exaggerated some of Cochran’s statements. If you want to know his exact words please follow the link.)

  1. We’re Victims. Yes, regardless of what God hands you, considering yourself a victim is counterproductive. But according to Matthew Cochran we’re a bunch of sinful lepers  who deserve to be marginalized because we were not “proactive” in seeking out husbands when we were younger. This has got me scratching my head. What were we supposed to do? Set out deer traps baited with homemade pies? Cochran fails to remember that back in the 80’s and 90’s when there were more men available for us Gen-Xers, it was considered unseemly for girls to even tell guys they liked them unless the guy said he liked you first. If you asked a guy out he would assume you were easy. The only way to “get a guy” was to be thin, blonde and perky. A severe eating disorder was a bonus. Wear a whole mess of caked on make-up. And tight revealing clothes. (Those mini skirts showed Christian guys how spiritual you were. Ha ha.) It helped to be an airhead, or at least conceal any intelligence or common sense God blessed you with. You also had to be a social adept, saying “yes” when you meant “no” and vice versa. Lots of brainless, boring small talk that was absolutely meaningless white noise. Guys didn’t have to prattle stupidly, but girls did, plus you had to giggle all the time when nothing was even funny! Some guys at college complained about this, but they always dated the giggle geese. If you weren’t pretty enough or couldn’t figure out the “rules” to the dating game in a month or so you were disqualified and no guy on campus would date you. Ever. So, rules have changed over the years. Despite Cochran’s desire to pin all the blame on spinsters there have been a lot of changes recently we haven’t all been able to keep up with. It’s easier to assume that bad things only happen to those who were asking for it. Just ask Job’s buddies. (I wonder if Cochran’s wife proactively pursued him. Most conservative guys get scared by aggressive husband-hunters and call them unfeminine.)
  2. Biology Changes a Woman’s Behavior. Cochran also thinks that we imagine we can have babies in our nineties like Sarah. We don’t realize how quickly our biological clocks are ticking without fellows like Matthew Cochran to remind us of the fact. Thus our rebellious desire to stay single. His solution? Panic and husband hunt for crying out loud! “Proactively” chase anything in pants, while armed with nets and tranquilizer darts. When guys see you hunting for something with a pulse to drag to the altar they won’t be able to resist your charms. We all know how men love desperate, clingy women. Right?
  3. There Are No Good Men. Cochran counters we’re all just too picky. We only want to date Brad Pitt clones, bad boys who drive around on motorcycles. I never have gone for Alpha males; I always liked Nice Guys. But they didn’t feel likewise, hence we never dated. The fact is, out of all the churches I have visited recently, there were 0 single men over 20 attending. It’s either marry a pagan or steal another woman’s husband. Both unacceptable. According to Cochran, we are single because we all are addicted to hard core porn and watch so many Hollywood movies we confuse them with real life. News flash! I hate television shows and almost never see movies. If I had my choice of any Hollywood hunk I would choose none of them because their godless lifestyles sicken me. As far as porn goes, I avoid “Christian romances” and the tripe by Nicholas Sparks–so no I’ve never read 50 Shades of Grey.  “…it is time to find new media and social circles before writing off many marriageable men who already feel invisible.” Where are these many marriageable men? What alternate universe does Matthew Cochran inhabit? Any marriageable men in my church or community must not only be invisible but inaudible and unregistered by any other bodily senses as well. More likely they don’t exist. No doubt Cochran would blame us for that too. It’s always the single woman’s fault!
  4. Singleness Is Holier. Now begins Cochran’s real virgin bashing. He starts off by saying that celibacy is impossible therefore we must all be a bunch of harlots. If you say that you’re still a virgin you’re a lying hypocrite as well as a harlot because no one can go without sex! (Some Christian married men must lie awake at night fantasizing about the wild sexual escapades they would have if they were still bachelors. Then they pin their lustful thoughts on Christian singles. That’s called projection in psychology.) He goes on to say that even if you are one of those ascetic weirdos (aka virgins) with that gift nobody wants you must spend your days perched on a pillar in the desert. You’re of no use to God or the Church at all and are vastly inferior to wives and mothers spiritually as well as every other way that counts. Apparently Mother’s Day, Valentine’s Day, weddings and all our marriage seminars have failed to convince you that you’re a bunch of pathetic losers and a disgrace to the Kingdom of Heaven. Get lost Mary of Bethany! Martha’s the real hero after all.

Pardon me while I go vomit.

Virgin Shaming in the Church

Real Christian Love for Homosexuals

This is a very sad video! Christianity has lost it’s edge because we lie and tell people their going to Heaven when they’re headed for Hell. Hell is a place I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy, yet many of my friends are in immortal danger! LORD forgive your church for neglecting Your great commission! Forgive me for standing idly by as souls made in Your image are lost.

Truth in Grace

This is a gracious message from John MacArthur on the matter of homosexuality. There is forgiveness that is found in Jesus Christ.

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Real Christian Love for Homosexuals

The Spread of Evil: 5 Ways

Never underestimate the unholy trinity: the world, the flesh, and the devil. As the world grows more corrupt quickly, we need to keep our own noses clean.

Studying Bible Prophecy


One of the most disheartening aspects of evil is seeing its proliferation through history; beginning with the evil years before the flood (Gen. 6:5), and then in the evil kingdom of Nimrod, and also in the nation of Israel through one evil king after another, as they led the people into idolatry and wickedness. But even now, in these modern times, we see the continual spread of evil everywhere throughout the world through various ways. Things seem to be getting worse and worse without any sign of a let up.

So what are we to do? For starters, I think it is definitely helpful to be aware of the reality of evil and how it spreads, so that we may be better prepared to combat it. Here are…


Five Ways We Allow Evil to Spread

1.Evil spreads because of a lack of righteousness (Rom. 6:23; 12:21).As I…

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The Spread of Evil: 5 Ways

One Word for God

On Facebook once I saw a person asking what one word we would use to describe God. Talk about a tough order. It would be easier to sum up the known universe in one word, because of course God is infinitely more complex than His universe.

Is God love? Of course God is loving to his human creations, but He is capable of hatred. Intense hatred. Hatred of sin and anything evil. Calling Him love would be much too simplistic, though He is that.

Is God power? He is all-powerful, all-knowing, and present everywhere. “And everywhere that man can be, Thou God, art present there,” as it goes in the old hymn, I Sing the Mighty Power of God.

Still omniscient, omnipotent, and omnipresent as God is, none of these are His chief glory. His crowning glory–the only characteristic repeated three times in the Bible is “Holy.”

When Isaiah saw the LORD lifted up in a vision, the blazing angels called seraphs worship God by saying over and over to each other, “Holy, holy, holy is the LORD God almighty. Heaven and earth are full of His glory.”

One Word for God