This is an experimental, humorous piece. I’m working on fiction now. Perhaps I will use my Medium account to start writing about Christianity and creative writing–both the process and theory.
A Time for Love
(Time travel romance.)
Lord Neville St. Just III–a dashing nobleman–travels from 19th century Europe to 2020 Chicago through a plot hole in the space/time continuum. He happens to meet Chloe Camden, the jaded editor of a woman’s magazine.
She is smitten by his good looks and charm. He is smitten because she is the protagonist.
Eventually they have a falling out. Chloe gets sloshed after a hard day at work and attempts to seduce Neville despite his emphasis that he is waiting till they marry.
The morning after he accuses her of being a brazen hussy and a lush. She accuses him of benevolent sexism. Neither knows what the other’s words mean but they feel insulted.
Lord Neville travels back to his own time where ladylike women are plentiful and Chloe stays behind since she prefers her hedonistic lifestyle and smartphone (The right to vote is kind of nice too.) Both live happily ever after in their proper chronologies.
Set in fifteenth century France, young Margarite Ramboullet is pledged to be married to a man she is not madly in love with for a political alliance. Charles de Tencin is her equal in wealth and social status and their marriage will please not just their families but a number of political figures.
As her wedding draws near, Margarite discovers a burning passion for virile, muscle-bound Jacques the stable boy. His animal magnetism overwhelms her.
Jacques proposes Margarite flee her impending nuptials to a man she cannot love (or at least has never swapped spit with.) He suggests they go to the vast woods of a neighboring estate where they can spend their lives hiding from her parents, her jilted fiancee, and all the other enemies they will make by not going through with the marriage. He can build a hovel and they will live on roots, berries and an occasional poached squirrel. Which the gently bred Margarite will field dress.
Amazingly enough, Margarite decides to marry a man of similar life circumstances who is well read instead of an illiterate stable hand. After the marriage she finds Charles enjoys the same poets and also adores hunting with falcons.
Jacques consoles himself with another chamber maid. Their father confessor compels him to marry her. Both couples live happily ever after since an attraction of opposites is overrated.
The Rakish Rogue
Set against the backdrop of decadent Regency England, naive Annabella Huntington follows her heart in this riveting tale.
On her nineteenth birthday, the orphaned heiress comes out–meaning she is eligible for marriage. Soon dozens of enamored swains follow her about–enthralled by the beauty of which Annabella remains clueless. This throng of suitors swells to hundreds in number, till her guardians beg her to choose one because they never go away and are eating them out of house and home.
Two catch her eye. Poor but honest John Sterling–an aspiring barrister. And the rogueish-but-charming Sir Arthur Burns.
Sterling is reliable as well as known for his good deeds throughout the neighborhood. But his clothes are of an unfashionable cut and he never learned to dance or flirt properly. Sir Arthur lacks ambition, but this is irrelevant since he’s the heir to a vast estate. Arthur knows how to use his income to dress in emulation of Beau Brummel and throw lavish parties. He’s prettier than Sterling, knows the latest dance moves, and is also a good three inches taller.
After a few months of wavering, Annabella makes her decision when her guardians beg her to choose Sterling because of his emotional stability. She becomes Lady Burns within the fortnight. The heart wants what it wants.
Her heart wants something different within the next six months. Especially as the years go by and Sir Arthur gambles away their income–and spends the rest on lavish parties, clothes, horses and women.
John Sterling contents himself with Annabella’s less beautiful cousin Jane. He’s overjoyed to discover she has something between her ears. The Sterlings live happily ever after.
Love Thy Enemy
Youthful Patty Hertz meets a handsome billionaire Alpha Bluebeard. Syndrome never explains what Bluebeard does to earn his billions. He has no social skills or talents beyond looking impressive in a suit. (Illegal drugs?)
Anyhow, motivated purely out of love for Hertz, this incredibly wealthy young man kidnaps her and drags her off to his lair. He explains he is concerned about her safety and this vault is fireproof, earthquake proof and sealed against all bad guys but himself.
After he kidnaps her and does some other icky stuff, Patty Hertz decides her love and acceptance will change him. The fact that Alpha is handsome and rich has everything to do with this. He releases her and she continues to return to him instead of reporting him to the police.
Not once does Patty consider finding an ugly but good man and giving him grooming tips to make him more beautiful on the outside instead of trying to make a handsome reprobate repent and become good through encouraging his wickedness.
In the end Patty Hertz realizes she isn’t in a romance but a horror novel. Nobody lives happily ever after. Not even the reader.
Sad to say there are actually novels geared for a Christian audience now with the incredibly stupid trope of the “He’s a bad boy but my eros can change him.” None are quite on par with the Fifty Shades… but it should disturb us how lacking in discernment Christ’s bride has become.
And how we have turned marriage–or rather romantic pursuit–into a genre of its own to emphasize “finding the one” over serving our Lord that we may spend eternity with our one true soul-mate. Christ Jesus. The One that we actually have been promised according to the Scriptures.